MAY 2005 Newsletter
LUKE
17:3 Ministries
for
adult daughters
of
controlling or abusive birth-families
A
sisterhood for those who seek support in developing self-esteem, setting
boundaries and limits, forgiveness, Godly confrontation, recognizing and cutting
ties with reprobates, healing, and rejoicing in the peace and love
of
the Lord, our
Father
take
heed to yourselves. If thy brother
trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him……..Luke
17:3
VOLUME
3, ISSUE 2
MAY
2005
Happy Mother’s
Day
Luke 17: 3 is the scripture often misquoted, usually by an abuser or his
enabler, when he tells you that the Bible says “Forgive and Forget”, or that you
must forgive him because you are a
Christian. However, Jesus is very
specific when he tells us to rebuke the sinner, and if he repents,
to forgive him. Have you rebuked
your abuser, and has he or she repented?
THE
ONLY FORM OF ABUSE STILL CONDONED BY SOCIETY. THE ONLY ABUSE IN WHICH THE VICTIM IS
CRITICIZED OR ABANDONED FOR TRYING TO PROTECT HERSELF. CHILD ABUSE THAT DIDN’T END WHEN ADULTHOOD
BEGAN…THE CONTINUING ABUSE OF GROWN CHILDREN BY THEIR
PARENTS.
If
you have ever experienced Adult Child
Abuse by a parent, sibling, or other relative, We Welcome
You!
Our
newsletter is sent to you free-of-charge, as the Lord continually provides. Do
you know someone who would like to be on our mailing list?
If
so, please contact:
Rev.
Renee Pittelli
Luke
17:3 Ministries, Inc.
P.O.
Box
684
Chestertown,
NY 12817
or
E-mail us at:
Luke
173@hotmail.com
VISIT
OUR NEW WEBSITE AT:
www.luke173ministries.org
Please ask about our Luke 17:3 Ministry
in Tennessee, founded by Rev. Denise
Rossignol.
MEANINGFUL
VS. MEANINGLESS APOLOGIES
Part
2
By Reverend
Renee
In our last newsletter, we
discussed in detail the characteristics of a meaningless apology. Now we will compare that to an apology
that is sincere and meaningful and truly seeks to mend
fences.
A meaningful apology is primarily concerned with righting the wrong that
was done. Someone who gives a
meaningful apology makes it crystal clear that the feelings
of the victim are her top
priority. By apologizing,
she is not trying to make herself look good, or to benefit herself in any other
way. She is humble, truly
remorseful and willing to do whatever is needed to make amends. She understands and accepts that her
apology may not restore the relationship, but she is not doing it to accomplish
her own purposes or to fulfill her own needs, wishes, or desires. She is doing it to help
the victim heal emotionally, mentally, and spiritually from
the damage and pain she inflicted with her abuse, betrayal, or offensive
behavior or
(continued on Page
2…)
Luke 17:3 Ministries
joyfully announces that
Sister Renee & Sister
Denise have become ordained ministers and will now be known as
Reverend Renee &
Reverend Denise.
Glory to God!
As you have done, it will be
done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head…..Obadiah 15
NIV
The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will
people say, “Here it is” or “There it is,”
because the kingdom of God is within you…..Luke 17:20-21NIV
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not
from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can
boast. For we are God’s
workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in
advance for us to do…..Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV
Your brothers, your own family- even they have betrayed you; they have
raised a loud cry against you. Do
not trust them, though they speak well of you…..Jeremiah 12: 6
NIV
words. A meaningful apology given by a truly
remorseful offender has these elements:
*IS GIVEN PROMPTLY AND
WITHOUT WAITING FOR THE VICTIM TO “COOL OFF” OR “GET OVER IT”. Apologies that come weeks, months or
even years later are far less likely to be accepted.
As time passes without an
apology, the victim’s hurt and anger grows because she realizes that her
betrayer does not care about her or her feelings. If enough time passes for the victim to
recover from and come to an acceptance of the break in the relationship, she
will be less motivated to ever reconcile. She may feel that her life has been
fine and she has been perfectly happy without the offender all that time, so why
re-open old wounds?
*IS GIVEN IN A HUMBLE,
SINCERE, HEARTFELT, AND RESPECTFUL MANNER.
*ACCEPTS COMPLETE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE OFFENSIVE WORDS OR BEHAVIOR. THE ABUSER DOES NOT TRY TO
MAKE EXCUSES OR BLAME ANYONE ELSE BUT HIMSELF.
*ACKNOWLEDGES THAT WHAT HE
DID WAS WRONG, AND THAT THE VICTIM WAS RIGHT TO BE UPSET.
*SHOWS AN UNDERSTANDING OF
AND REMORSE FOR THE PAIN HE CAUSED, THE RAMIFICATIONS OF HIS BEHAVIOR, AND HOW
IT AFFECTED THE VICTIM’S LIFE.
*DOES NOT TRY TO JUSTIFY,
RATIONALIZE, EXPLAIN, OR EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR.
*REASSURES THE VICTIM THAT
SHE DID NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED HURTFULLY.
*EXPRESSES THE HIGHEST
CONCERN FOR THE VICTIM’S FEELINGS AND NEEDS, WHILE ASSURING THE
VICTIM THAT THE FEELINGS, NEEDS, OR DESIRES OF OTHERS, INCLUDING THE OFFENDER
HIMSELF, ARE NOT THE REASON FOR THE APOLOGY, NOR SHOULD SHE CONSIDER THEM WHILE
DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO ACCEPT THE APOLOGY.
*IS WILLING TO DISCUSS IN
DETAIL THE BETRAYAL OR OFFENSE, WITHOUT BECOMING DEFENSIVE, AS OFTEN AS THE
VICTIM FEELS THE NEED TO, AND TO HONESTLY AND COMPLETELY ADDRESS ANY OF HER
QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS.
*ALLOWS THE VICTIM TO
EXPRESS HER ANGER AND IS WILLING TO LISTEN AND CONTINUE TO BE REMORSEFUL WITHOUT
ALSO BECOMING ANGRY OR DEFENSIVE.
*DOES NOT FORCE HIMSELF ON
THE VICTIM BY APPROACHING HER IN A WAY SHE IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH (FOR
INSTANCE, IF SHE AVOIDS HIM OR HAS INDICATED THAT SHE WANTS NO PERSONAL CONTACT,
HE MIGHT TRY A LETTER OR E-MAIL INDICATING HIS DESIRE TO APOLOGIZE AND ASKING IF
SHE WOULD CONSIDER MEETING HIM AT A NEUTRAL LOCATION OF HER CHOICE , BUT HE
SHOULD NOT RING HER DOORBELL OR ACCOST HER IN A STORE OR IN THE
STREET.)
*TELLS THE VICTIM IN WHAT
WAYS HE INTENDS TO UNDO THE DAMAGE HE DID AND HOW HE INTENDS TO MAKE RESTITUTION
OR MAKE IT UP TO HER. (RETURNING THE MONEY HE STOLE, SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT
IF HE HAS LIED ABOUT THE VICTIM TO OTHERS, PAYING FOR THERAPY FOR THE VICTIM,
ETC.)
*PROMISES THE VICTIM THAT
HE HAS CHANGED AND THAT WHAT HE SAID OR DID WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, AND
IS WILLING TO PROVE IT. UNDERSTANDS
THAT HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE BELIEVED WITHOUT EARNING IT BY GOING INTO THERAPY
OR ANGER MANAGEMENT, OR BY BEING ON HIS BEST BEHAVIOR FOR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES
FOR THE VICTIM TO FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT HE HAS MADE A PERMANENT CHANGE,
EVEN IF THAT TAKES MONTHS OR YEARS.
*DOES NOTHING TO PRESSURE
THE VICTIM INTO FORGIVING HIM OR ACCEPTING HIS APOLOGY.
*ASSURES THE VICTIM THAT
EVEN IF SHE FORGIVES HIM, HE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF SHE DECIDED NOT TO GIVE HIM
ANOTHER CHANCE BY RECONCILING THE RELATIONSHIP.
*OFFERS TO GIVE THE VICTIM
AS MUCH TIME AS SHE WANTS TO THINK IT OVER.
ASKS THE VICTIM IF SHE
WOULD LIKE HIM TO CONTACT HER AGAIN AFTER A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME HAS PASSED,
IF SHE WOULD RATHER CALL HIM, OR IF SHE WOULD PREFER NO FURTHER CONTACT.
RESPECTS HER DECISION.
Some examples of
“meaningful apology” statements are:
“I am so sorry. I know I was
wrong.”
“I am truly sorry for hurting you.”
“I am so sorry. I cannot
believe what an idiot I was.”
“I am really sorry for lying to you. I should never have done it. I’ll never do it
again.”
“I apologize for saying
_______. I don’t blame you
for being angry with me.”
“I apologize for breaking your confidence. I don’t blame you for not trusting me
anymore. I promise I’ll never do it
again, and I understand that it will take a lot of time before you believe in me
again. I’m willing to wait as long
as it takes. ”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove myself to
you.”
“I know I hurt you deeply.
I’m willing to do anything and everything I can to make it up to
you.”
“I am so sorry. There is no
excuse for my behavior. You have
every right to be angry with me.”
“Please tell me what I can do to help you feel better. I am willing to do whatever you
say.”
“I understand how much I hurt you.
I don’t deserve your forgiveness.
I promise to work really hard at earning your trust again, and maybe
someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”
“What I did to you was terrible. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just want to do whatever I can to make
amends. Please let me make it up to
you.”
So, dear Sister, beware when you recognize a meaningless apology. If you accept it without repentance, you
are letting your abuser off the hook too easily, as well as depriving him of the
opportunity to repent and turn his life around. If you reconcile your relationship on
the basis of a meaningless apology, you are only setting yourself up for more
pain in the future.
But if an apology is truly meaningful, it deserves to be considered. The offender deserves an opportunity to
prove himself and repent, so that you can eventually forgive him. Do not feel guilty about taking as much
time as you need to feel that you can trust the offender again, and to believe
that he has truly and permanently changed his ways. Over time, his behavior will speak for
itself. Although you are required by the Lord to forgive those who repent, you
are not required to reconcile; however, reconciliation with a truly contrite and
remorseful ex-offender has a great chance of being successful, and restoring the
relationship might be the last step you need to take to finally heal your
pain. With much prayer, and
possibly some therapy, reconciliation with a relative who has given you a
meaningful apology and shown repentance and remorse could open the door to a new
and much-improved relationship in the future, and bring you much happiness and
peace in your heart.
If you have been trapped by
what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to
free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands; go and humble
yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber
to your eyelids. Free yourself,
like a gazelle from the hands of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the
fowler….Proverbs 6:2-5NIV
The Lord said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites: When a man or a woman
wrongs another in any way, and so is unfaithful to the Lord, that person is
guilty and must confess the sin he has committed. He must make full restitution for his
wrong, add one fifth to it and give it all to the person he has
wronged…..Numbers 5: 5-7NIV
If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall
restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep….Exodus 22:1
KJV
A thief must certainly make restitution, but if he has nothing, he
must be sold to pay for his theft….Exodus 22:3NIV
If a fire breaks out and spreads into thornbushes so that it burns
shocks of grain or standing grain or the whole field, the one who started the
fire must make restitution…Exodus 22:6NIV
The Lord said to Moses: “If anyone sins and is unfaithful to the Lord
by deceiving his neighbor about something entrusted to him or left in his care
or stolen, or if he cheats him, or if he finds lost property and lies about it,
or if he swears falsely, or if he commits any such sin that people may do- when
he thus sins and becomes guilty, he must return what he has stolen or taken by
extortion, or what was entrusted to him, or the lost property he found, or
whatever it was he swore falsely about.
He must make restitution in full, add a fifth to the value of it and give
it all to the owner on the day he presents his guilt offering. And as a penalty he must bring to the
priest, that is the Lord, his guilt offering….Leviticus
6:1-6NIV
Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he
is starving. Yet if he is caught,
he must pay sevenfold, though it
costs him all the wealth of his house…Job 6:30-31NIV
If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored; if you remove
wickedness far from your tent…Job 22:23NIV
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and
renounces them finds mercy…Proverbs 28:13NIV
If you really change your ways and deal with each other justly….then I
will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your forefathers forever and
ever….Jeremiah 7: 5,7NIV
A sow that is washed goes
back to her wallowing in the mud……2 Peter 2:22 NIV
WHO’S YOUR DADDY?
Part 3
In Parts 1 & 2, we have seen how
our Father loves us, protects us, provides for us, disciplines us, watches over
us, teaches us, comforts us, is trustworthy, listens to us, is patient with us,
counsels us, is truthful and never lies to us, and is always fair. Now we will complete our study on the
heart of God, our loving Abba.
ENCOURAGES US: Every child needs
encouragement from her parent- the one person she looks up to the
most.
But one who prophecies is helping others grow in the Lord, encouraging
and comforting them. A person who
speaks in tongues is strengthened personally in the Lord, but one who speaks a
word of prophecy strengthens the entire church…..1
Corinthians14:3-4NLT
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us,
so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have
hope….Romans 15:4NIV
You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and
you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order
that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more…Psalm 10:17-18NIV
WILL NEVER ABANDON OR BETRAY
US: There is no man or
woman that we can trust 100% to stick with us through thick and thin, no matter
what. Unfortunately for many of us,
that includes our earthly parents and siblings. Only our Heavenly Father will never
leave us. If we open our hearts to
him, he will be with us from the moment we are born throughout the rest of
eternity. We will never be
alone.
I have been young, and now am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous
forsaken, Nor his seed begging
bread…Psalm 37:25KJV
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your
life. As I was with Moses, so I
will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you….Joshua 1:5
NIV
For the Lord will not abandon His people, nor will He forsake His
inheritance. For judgment will again be righteous, and all the upright in heart
will follow it. Who will stand up
for me against evildoers? Who will
take his stand for me against those who do wickedness? If the Lord had not been my help, my
soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, “My foot has slipped,”
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within
me, Your consolations delight my soul.
Can a throne of destruction be allied withYou, one which devises mischief
by decree? They band themselves
together against the life of the righteous and condemn the innocent to
death. But the Lord has been my
stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge. He has brought back their wickedness
upon them and will destroy them in their evil; the Lord our God will destroy
them….Psalm 94: 14:23NASB
Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will
come to him and make our home with him.”…John
14:23NIV
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me
anymore, but you will see me.
Because I live, you also will live.
On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me,
and I am in you….John 14: 18-20NIV
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with
such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake
thee. So that we may boldly say,
The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me…Hebrews
13:5-6KJV
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes
with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you….Deuteronomy
31:6NIV
HAS
COMPASSION
ON
US: Many of us have earthly parents who expect far more of us
than we are able to give. Perhaps
they want us to solve their problems for them, or demand our time with no
consideration for our other responsibilities to our children, husbands, or jobs.
For some, even as children, we were expected to accomplish things far beyond our
capabilities, and punished if we were unable to. In my case, I was taught to make coffee
in a percolator on a gas stove that had to be lit with a match at the age of
three, and was expected to do it without supervision before my parents got up in
the morning. By five, I was cooking
entire breakfasts-in bed for them from scratch, and have the scars up and down
my arms from burns from the stove and oven to prove it. Others have been expected to excel at
sports or academics, regardless of whether that was far beyond their
capabilities at the time or not.
Our relationship with our glorious Father has no such pressures or
stresses. He understands our
limitations and has compassion for us.
He will never frustrate us or make us feel like failures. He never asks us to do more than we are
able to. In fact, he asks very
little of us in return for all he does for us.
For His anger is but for a moment, his favor is for life; weeping may
endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning….Psalm
30:5NKJV
Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy
them. Time after time he restrained
his anger and did not stir up his full wrath. He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return…Psalm
78:38-39NIV
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion
on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are
dust. As for man, his days are like
grass, he flourishes like a flower in the field; the wind blows over it and it
is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the
Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their
children’s children….Psalm 103: 13-17NIV
The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of
great mercy…Psalm 145:8KJV
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His
compassions fail not. They are new
every morning; great is Your faithfulness…Lamentations
3:22-23NKJV
I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger
and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity….Jonah
4:2NIV
However, Jesus did not permit him, but said to him, “Go home to your
friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He
has had compassion on you.”…Mark 5:19NKJV
GIVES US GOOD GIFTS: Our Father doesn’t just give us
“good” gifts- he gives us fabulous gifts, the likes of which we cannot
even imagine. In this life, he
blesses us with peace, wisdom, joy, and grace. He lavishes upon us many gifts,
including the gifts and fruits of his Holy Spirit.
(1 Corinthians 12:4-11,
Romans 5:5, 14:17,
15:13,
Galatians 5:22-23) And when we go home to glory we will inherit the kingdom of
heaven! Nothing can compare to the
things our Father gives us. Thank you, Lord!
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no
mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him- but God has
revealed it to us by his Spirit….1 Corinthians
2:9-10NIV
Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack
nothing. The lions may grow weak
and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing…Psalm
34:9-10NIV
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your
heart…Psalm 37:4NABS
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when
men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes…A little
while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not
be found. But the meek will inherit
the land and enjoy great peace…Psalm 37:
7, 10-11NIV
Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a
snake instead? Or if he asks for an
egg, will give him a scorpion? If
you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how
much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask
him!...Luke 11: 13NIV
As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who believes in him will not be
disappointed.” Jew and Gentile are
the same in this respect. They all
have the same Lord, who generously gives his riches to all who ask for
them…Romans 10:11-12NLT
In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would
have told you. I go to prepare a
place for you. And if I go and
prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that
where I am, there ye may be also…John 14:
2-3KJV
Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are
blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since
the creation of the world…Matthew 25:34NIV
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken
together, and running over, will be poured into your lap…Luke
6:38NIV
“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in
my house. Test me in this,” says
the Lord Almighty,” and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven
and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it…Malachi
3:10NIV
ALWAYS ANSWERS US WHEN WE CRY
OUT TO HIM OR ASK HIM :
Our Father never ignores us.
Whenever we come to him in prayer, faithfully believing that he will
answer us, he is faithful to give us our answer and our heart’s desires. Our Father desires to have fellowship
with us, to have us ask him for what we desire, and to converse him through
prayer. No matter what trial or
problem we are facing, we need to turn it over to God, and then step back and
let him take care of it, in his own time, and according to his perfect
will. If we trust our Father, we
will never be disappointed in the outcome.
But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find
him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul. When thou art in tribulation, and all
these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the
Lord thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice;(for the Lord thy God is a
merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the
covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them….Deuteronomy
4:29-31KJV
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive
to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the
memory of them from the earth. The
righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their
troubles. The Lord is close to the
brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may
have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his
bones, not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be
condemned. The Lord redeems his
servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him…Psalm
34:15-22NIV
I prayed to the Lord and he answered me, freeing me from all my
fears. Those who look to him for
help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. I cried out to the Lord in my suffering
and he heard me. He set me free
from all my fears. For the angel of
the Lord guards all who fear him, and he rescues them…. Psalm 34: 4-7NLT
I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my
name. Until now you have not asked
for anything in my name. Ask and
you will receive, and your joy will
be complete…John 16:23-24NIV
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will
find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who
seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened…Luke
11:9-10NIV
FORGIVES US: Some of us have earthly parents who
never let us forget anything we might have done, real or imagined, that they
consider wrong, even if we were children when we committed the supposed
offense. They use our failings and
shortcomings against us, to keep us beholden to them for the rest of our lives.
Our Heavenly Father never holds a grudge or tries to make us feel guilty for
some long ago offense for which we have already apologized. He understands that we are not
perfect. When we come to him and
repent, we are assured of his loving forgiveness. From the moment of our repentance, he
completely relieves us of any burden of guilt and tells us that he will not even remember
our sin anymore. Thank You, Father!
For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no
more…Jeremiah 31:34KJV
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of
the sea….Micah 7:18-19NIV
I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake;
and I will not remember your sins….Isaiah
43:25NKJV
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts:
and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our
God, for he will abundantly pardon, for my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the
earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your
thoughts….Isaiah 55: 7-9KJV
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he
does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our
iniquities…Psalm 103:9-10NIV
Of Him all the prophets bear witness that through His name everyone
who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins…Acts
10:43NASB
For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no
more…Hebrews 8:12NIV
IS ALWAYS CARING FOR US: It’s
hard to believe that, with all Father God must have on his mind, he never
forgets us, not even for a minute.
He is always watching over us, thinking about us, deciding what is best
for us, and blessing us. Little
children need to be in the care of their parent 24 hours a day. We have our Abba Father’s blessed
assurance that we are always in his care.
Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy
name! Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits; Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all
your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with
lovingkindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so
that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s…Psalm
103:1-5NKJV
The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting
arms…Deuteronomy 33:27KJV
The curse of the Lord is on the house of the wicked, but his blessing
is on the home of the upright….Proverbs 3:33NLT
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter,” Simon son
of John, do you truly love me more than these?” Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know
that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed
my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon
son of John, do you truly love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I
love you.” Jesus said, “Take care
of my sheep.” The third time he
said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him
the third time, “Do you love me?”
He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”…John 21:
15-17NIV
Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father’s name
speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them
, and they follow me. I give them
eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my
hand. My Father, who has given them
to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one….John
10:25-30NIV
Sister, what more could we ask for in a parent? Our Father is an awesome God. No one will ever care for us and love us
like he does. Most amazing is that
we are all unworthy sinners, who have offended and disappointed him again and
again, and yet he calls us his children and lavishes his love upon us. What earthly parent could be like our
Lord? When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and
the stars, which thou hast ordained; what is man, that thou art mindful of him?
And the son of man, that thou visiteth him? For thou hast made him a little
lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour….Psalms 8:3-5
KJV.
The definition of grace is undeserved or unmerited favor. By his grace are we his beloved
children. How can we ever hope to
repay him- to express our profound gratitude for his incredible mercy? Can a
man be of benefit to God? Can even
a wise man benefit him? What pleasure would it give the Almighty if you were
righteous? What would he gain if
your ways were blameless?....Job 22:2-3 NIV
Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him and we will come
to him and make our home with him.
He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own;
they belong to the Father who sent me”…John 14:23-24NIV
Jesus said unto him, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy
heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great
commandment. And the second is like
unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”…Matthew 22:37-38KJV
He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of
you? To act justly and to love
mercy and to walk humbly with your God….Micah 6:8
NIV
Thank you, Abba Father, for your love, and for welcoming us as your
daughters. We worship you, Lord,
and give thanks for all your blessings.
Praise be to your glorious name. Help us to serve you and to be pleasing
to you in whatever humble way we can.
You are awesome and wonderful!
We love you, Father God, with all our hearts, with all our souls, and
with all our minds. Glory to our God! Amen.
THE MOM
FACTOR
Dr. Henry Cloud and
Dr. John
Townsend
Zondervan
Publishing
Drs. Cloud and Townsend are Christian psychologists who are very well
known in the Christian community.
They are popular speakers and co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New
Life radio program. They are
best-selling authors of a number of books, including the very popular
“Boundaries” series.
The authors explain how the mother you had (and have!) influences the
adult you are today. They help you
to transform the effects of the past and re-build your adulthood, which may or
may not include your mother.
Feelings of resentment, sadness, anger and grief are not resolved by
denying them, they must be processed and worked through. We must watch out for our tendencies to
resist adulthood, freedom, and equality and to return to the child position with
our mother figures.
Different types of mothers and their emotional problems and effects on us
are discussed in detail, as well as how to deal with them. These include the China Doll Mom, the
Controlling Mom, the Trophy Mom , the American Express Mom, and the
Still-The-Boss Mom.
Inappropriate reactions of other relatives are included. For instance, in the China Doll Mom
chapter, we are taught that any attempt to communicate directly with Mom about
your relationship is fraught with danger because she will often be in tears,
upset, or out of the room before you have completed your
first sentence. “The adult child feels guilty for
‘hurting mom,’ especially if other siblings fuse with mom’s
self-victimization. The rest of the
clan is often unable to understand the control and manipulation behind mom’s
demeanor. The siblings will then
unite against the “black sheep” who is so mean to mother. In this way, they are able to displace
their own frustration with mom onto a safe target: the child who tries to
reconcile honestly.”
There are a number of Scriptural references to teach us how to respond,
for instance, challenging or rebelling against improper authority, taking
stewardship over our own lives, and understanding that we do have choices which,
although they may disappoint or anger others, are the best options for our own
welfare. Although we often
inwardly disagree with our mothers’ behavior, “It is important to outwardly
disagree, confront, refuse evil, and stand against wrongdoing. You can learn to change your silent no
to an audible one.”
There are many suggestions for improving our adult relationship with our
mothers, setting boundaries, learning to say “No”, and protecting
ourselves. We will understand that
these actions are Biblically based and NOT un-Christian-like. The child needs to discover God’s path
for herself, not her parent’s preordained plan for her life. Some mothers overestimate their role of
authority- God created an authority structure from HIMSELF on down. A grown child no longer submits to her
mother’s authority. GOD WILL
ULTIMATELY BE THE CHILD’S ONLY PARENT.
If Mom is not interested in seeing you as an equal, you will be taught to
set limits, including limits on how much exposure to Mom you will endure, what
subjects you will or will not discuss, etc. The Mom Factor gives us permission to
accept and be at peace with our mother’s anger at our growing independence. She
will be frustrated because she can no longer control you, and you will learn to
“Let her be who she is: someone who wants something she cannot have.”
Sisters, do not let
anyone steal your joy! If you have children, plan a wonderful Mother’s Day with
them. If you don’t, pamper yourself
and make sure you do something to enjoy the day. Do not give the devil the
victory of your sorrow or anxiety.
Be joyful in the Lord and praise him! God bless you always!
Psalm
146
Praise the
Lord.
Praise the
Lord, O my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my
God as long as I live.
Do not put your trust in princes, in
mortal men, who cannot save. When
their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans
come to nothing. Blessed is he
whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker
of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-the Lord, who remains
faithful forever. He upholds the
cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord
gives sight to the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord
loves the righteous. The Lord
watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he
frustrates the ways of the wicked.
The Lord reigns forever, your God, O
Zion, for all generations.
