Some Things Just Never Change
SOME THINGS JUST NEVER CHANGE:
How My Birth-Father Called Me Again After 10 Years of No Contact
And Then Took Less Than 5 Minutes To Have His Usual Meltdown,
And The Story Of The Christmas Presents From The Devil
By Rev. Renee Pittelli
CAN THE ETHIOPIAN CHANGE HIS SKIN OR THE LEOPARD ITS SPOTS?
NEITHER CAN YOU DO GOOD WHO ARE ACCUSTOMED TO DOING EVIL.
PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR STAND AGAINST THE DEVIL’S SCHEMES. FOR OUR STRUGGLE IS NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST THE RULERS, AGAINST THE AUTHORITIES, AGAINST THE POWERS OF THIS DARK WORLD AND AGAINST THE SPIRITUAL FORCES OF EVIL IN THE HEAVENLY REALMS. THEREFORE PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD, SO THAT WHEN THE DAY OF EVIL COMES, YOU MAY BE ABLE TO STAND YOUR GROUND, AND AFTER YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING, TO STAND….Ephesians 6: 11-13 NIV.
I have told the story of my estranged birth-father’s bizarre stalking of my family, right up until the time we moved away (see “Why Don’t They Just Apologize?” on our website). Forgive me for repeating some of my testimony from other articles here, but it’s helpful background for the subject of this article.
After seven years of stalking us, when my birth-father saw the For Sale sign on our house, he realized that we were moving away and would be rid of him forever. Knowing that if he was ever going to make a move, it would have to be now or never, he decided to accost my husband outside our home. He started by off by challenging my husband to be “man enough to shake his hand” and ended by requesting to secretly meet with my husband, while warning him not to tell me, because I would “talk him out of it”. My husband, who had no intentions of ever meeting with him, reported back to me. I had been standing on the porch the whole time anyway, in plain sight, with my son, watching this little exchange, but my psycho birth-father apparently thinks he has a cloak of invisibility.
After this little episode, I wrote my birth-father a 10-page letter, sent it certified mail and still have the signed receipt. I wanted to make sure he did not approach any of us again, or at least cause him to delay his next attempt until after we had moved and it would be too late. In this letter, I listed numerous detailed incidents of his abuse and told him to stay away from me and my family. Two months later, we moved away, hopefully never to see him again. Little did I know how persistent a control-freak who no longer has control can be.
Almost three years passed of peace and safety in our new location. We had an unlisted phone number, got a PO Box, and only trusted friends and relatives had any idea where we were. That is, until the lawyer husband of one of my evil ex-cousins (for more of this cousin's evil exploits, including making my dying mother cry on her deathbed, see our article
"The Devil's Advocate- Handling The Family Meddler...Oops, I Mean 'Peace Maker'" ), who had disowned me 10 years earlier when I began setting limits on my parents, decided to find my unlisted phone number and street address, probably online, and give it to my ex-father. Well, what can you expect? After all, I already knew what lowlifes they all were (see the article “They Can’t All Be Wrong And You Right….Or Can They?” on our site). You can’t expect people like this to respect your wishes to be left in peace.
So sure enough, on the morning after Thanksgiving 2006, my phone rang (For more on the strange phenomena of the unwelcome surprise holiday contact, see the article “Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Put Up The Christmas Tree” on our site). And after 10 years, He’s Ba-aaack! It was dear old dad, calling to stalk and harass us long-distance, since we are now too far away for him to do any more surveillance or drive-bys in person.
On the odd chance that he was genuinely remorseful and had really changed (I don’t know what I was thinking!), I was kind enough to agree to hear him out. He spent about 2 minutes crying that it was good to hear my voice again after ten years and that he wanted to be back in the family. I replied that I was willing to listen to what he had to say, and about 30 seconds of dead silence ensued, followed by his statement that he had NO IDEA what he had done wrong!
A bit taken aback, I inquired as to what was unclear about that 10-page letter I had sent him, which was still only the tip of the iceberg. He tried the usual abuser’s tactic of claiming that it was all in the past and I should let bygones be bygones. I said not without an apology and some proof that he had changed. While it was true that most of the things he did were over 10 years ago, that’s only because I haven’t spoken to him in 10 years, so he hasn’t the opportunity for more recent abuses.
IF YOU’RE NOT SURE, JUST RATTLE ITS CAGE A LITTLE
When he continued to insist that he had no idea what he had done wrong, I mentioned just one instance- his final act of treachery and abuse before I cut ties with him completely, which was stealing the money that my mother inherited from her parents, and put in a trust account for me (see the article “
A Portrait of Evil” on our site). Whereupon he began ranting, raving and screaming that he “fed” my mother all the years they were married and so was entitled to any money she inherited from her parents, and that she had no right to leave it to anyone else. This statement gives us some insight into the mind of an abusive control-freak, because this is the way they really think.
I asked him if he didn’t even feel that that episode merited an apology, since it was ME he had stolen from, and not my mother. He thought for a moment, and then slyly said, “I’m sorry the relationship went bad. Is that a good enough apology for you?” This is typical satanic conniving and “bargaining”, and another attempt to avoid any accountability. Of course I said no, that I wanted an apology for the specific things he had done. He then smugly stated that he had nothing to apologize for, and I replied that in that case we had nothing further to say to each other.
Realizing that I was about to end the conversation, he began yelling, “Wait, wait, how are Mike and Tony (my sons)?” I said “They’re fine”. He quickly began peppering me with questions about them- where did they live, were they married, did they have children? I replied, “I can’t give you any information about Mike and Tony without their permission.” He then demanded their phone numbers, which I also refused to give him.
Switching gears to another ruse, he claimed that he wanted to put them back in his will, but if I wouldn't give him their phone numbers, they would not inherit his money and it would be all my fault. Now, we all know that nothing is preventing him from putting them in his will, with or without me, and this is just a blatant lie to get information about them.
I said, “You can’t blackmail me.” He replied that he wasn’t blackmailing me. I answered “You just said that you would do something to hurt my sons if I don’t give you what you want.” He then stated point blank, “Yes, I AM blackmailing you”. I simply repeated that I was not going to give him their phone numbers without their permission, and he again became enraged, began screaming at me, called me “pig-headed” (a name he had called me all my life), and hung up the phone in my ear.
IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF AN APOLOGY?
What is most fascinating about this conversation is that the entire thing took place in under five minutes. In the blink of an eye, Daddy Darling went from trying to con me with crocodile tears, to wily conniving, to threatening, screaming, name-calling, and slamming the phone down. After ten years of estrangement, most people would be grateful to have been given a chance to make amends. Realizing that I didn’t owe him anything and could hang up at any time, someone who really wanted to “be back in the family” would make the most of that opportunity to apologize and do his best to show some gratitude, be respectful, and mend fences, knowing that he might never get another chance.
Yet after ten years of no contact, my ex-father took less than five minutes to revert to his usual abuse, just because I would not give him what he wanted. All I had to do was rattle his cage a tiny bit for his true colors to come out again. So much for wanting to be back in the family! If this was his idea of making up, it sure left a lot to be desired. And needless to say, this whole episode didn’t do much to endear my adult sons to him when I told them about it.
My family and I were dumbfounded at how true it is that my birth-father is his own worst enemy. You'd think he’d at least spend maybe 20 minutes pretending to be nice before the name-calling, threats, and yelling started! He didn’t want to be back in the family so much as he wanted everything to go back to the way it was when he used to get away with abusing everybody. Having victims to abuse is what he really missed.
It’s amazing how our abusers just never seem to grow up. Daddy Darling doesn’t look in the mirror and see the nasty, foolish, silly old man that we now see when we look at him. He still sees himself as the powerful, intimidating bully he used to be, way back when, and sees me as the vulnerable, frightened young girl he can still push around. It’s been forty years since his tantrums stopped getting him what he wanted, but my ex-father still thinks that maybe one day it might work again. He just doesn’t want to admit that that ship has sailed.
MY TURN TO MAKE SOME RULES
IF I WAS SO TERRIBLE, THEN WHY DO YOU WANT ME BACK?
It was unnerving to hear from my evil birth-father, and also creepy because it proved that he and my other ex-relatives are still thinking about me long after I forgot about them. Like Sister Denise says, it feels like you brushed up against Satan. But by God’s grace, I was surprised to realize how much better I was able to handle it than I used to be. I give God the glory for healing me and giving me courage. Now I have much more confidence in my ability to deal with Daddy Darling and stand up to him without allowing him to intimidate me.
This time when I talked to him, it was like talking to a complete stranger- no emotions either way. I realized that I pretty much don't care anymore, about him or any of the others who disowned me. They're so far in the past and I've moved on with my life. It’s freaky that they're even the least bit interested in looking me up.
But they can’t be allowed to run the show anymore, making all the rules and having contact with me and my family just because they want it, and whether we welcome it or not. It’s not like my ex-relatives are trying to find me so they can apologize and make amends. It’s just more of the same manipulation, demands, lies, treachery, and abuse. If they choose to waste their time trying to contact me, I have no guilt about cutting them off again.
Life goes on, and I guess sooner or later you reach the point where you just don't care anymore. Unfortunately, the creepy part is that your abusers never seem to reach that point with you! It seems like they will forever be obsessed with keeping some connection, no matter how weak, to the one they betrayed and disowned. If I was such a terrible person that they felt they had to disown me, then why on earth would they want to find me again? Why do they still want to have anything to do with me? Why can’t they move on like I have? Guilty consciences, perhaps? Well, I choose to consider it a positive and say that it sure is nice to be so unforgettable!
ROUND 2- HERE WE GO AGAIN
A couple of weeks passed, and in mid-December, I went to the Post Office box to get our mail and found 3 certified letter “Christmas cards” from my birth father. I had to sign for them, which I did after some thought, because I wanted to know what he was up to, and so I would have them as future evidence for my lawyer or the police.
One card was for me and my husband, one for our son Mike and one for our other son Tony. All were addressed to our street address and not the PO Box, which is how I know that my stalker ex-relatives looked up the deed to my house online. Like I said, stalkers.
IF I CAN JUST GET HER TO REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS,
SHE’LL BE PUTTY IN MY HANDS
I’ll start with the card addressed to me and my husband. Inside it was another card my ex-father had sent the previous year to my old address, but got it back because I didn’t leave a forwarding address when I moved. So he enclosed it, still sealed, in this year’s card. I opened it first, and for starters, it was an old card imprinted with my mother’s and his name from before she died 8 years ago. He just crossed out her name and wrote “Dad” by his. He’s been remarried for 5 years, and yet he saved my deceased mother’s Christmas cards for 8 years and is still using them!
He was too cheap to buy a $1.00 card, and also demonically trying to “soften me up” by reminding me of my mother at Christmastime. Demons always probe for your weaknesses so they can use them against you.
Still trying to exploit my sentimentality, he enclosed inside this card from last year a copy of a guestbook entry which I had posted online two years previously. It was for my favorite uncle, whose family had put a memorial in their local newspaper, honoring the 25th anniversary of his passing. The newspaper featured an online guestbook for obituaries and memorials, and I posted on it. I wrote how much we all loved and missed my uncle and treasured the time we had with him and what a good man he was.
One of the family nut-jobs apparently printed it out and gave a copy to my jealous birth-father, who must have been steaming that nobody would ever write something so nice about him, because nobody can stand him. But ever the pragmatist, he figured it could still be useful to him, a nice little weapon for trying to make me feel guilty. So he enclosed it in my “Christmas card” with a note of his own, which said:
THE INSANITY CONTINUES
Ok, so much for the previous year’s Christmas card, which I received a year late. The reason he originally sent this card was just to see if the Post Office would forward it, and then he’d be able to get my new address. But his underhanded ruse didn’t work and the card was returned to him, because I had anticipated his little tricks and had the foresight not to leave a forwarding address. So I bought another year of time before he was able to find us with the help of his troublemaking nephew, whom I had never done anything to, but who did his bidding and helped a stalker find my family again
SINCE WHEN DOES SATAN SEND CHRISTMAS PRESENTS?
As if this story isn’t bad enough so far, now the really creepy, demonic stuff starts. Inside my Christmas card for the current year was a $2000 check with “Xmas present” written on the memo line. Notice that Satan cannot bring himself to write CHRISTmas. His bank account number was blacked out in magic marker (although we can read it through the black just fine!) and he wrote “Not Valid” where it should have been signed. When I turned it over, this was written on the back:
Well, you guessed it. The “recipients of Checks #199 & #200” were my sons, Mike and Tony. Inside each of their cards was a $1000 check, all crossed out and invalidated also, but still referred to in the memo as their “Xmas presents”.
On the back of both of their checks, he wrote “I will replace this check #199 (or #200) only if the payee contacts me BEFORE
So I was supposed to sell out my kids for $2000. Oh, how Satan tries to tempt the children of God! HE would have sold HIS children out for a nickel, so he was sure that I would betray my kids for $2000. All narcissistic abusers think you are a lowlife just like them, only dumber.
And how pathetic is it that he thinks he has to PAY my kids to call him? Besides being disgusting and preposterous, it is also an insult to our intelligence. My kids would never have actually seen any real money, even if they did call! There is absolutely no way that a cheapskate who wouldn’t spend a dollar to buy a card that doesn’t have his dead wife’s name printed on it is going to part with $2,000 ($4,000 if you include my bribe) for a couple of phone calls. How stupid does he think we are? And what happened to my No Blackmail rule, anyway?
AND NOW, THE REAL REASON FOR THIS SUDDEN INTEREST IN HIS EX-GRANDSONS
Now, you probably think this story can’t get any freakier, but trust me, it can. Just as we were all looking at each other in amazement, trying to absorb the jaw-dropping nerve of this guy, I realized something even more psycho. Every time daddy darling wrote my sons’ names, he put HIS last name (let’s call him Smith) as THEIR middle names, as in Mike Smith Pittelli, and Tony Smith Pittelli, and on my card and check, my old name Linda (he doesn’t know that I changed my name to Renee –see the article “
My Name Is Renee…But It Used To Be Linda ” on our site) Smith Pittelli.
Our names were written this way on the outside of all of our envelopes, on all three cards, and on all three bogus checks. This demonstrated even MORE satanic trickery. There is NO SUCH PERSON as Mike Smith Pittelli or Tony Smith Pittelli. If they called grandpa-from-hell as requested, and he “replaced” the voided checks, they would not have been able to cash the new checks anyway, because they would have been made out to non-existent people.
Then I noticed that he sent both of my sons “Son” cards, instead of “Grandson” cards. He was claiming my sons for his own, and even giving them his last name! (See the article “Family Jealousy” on our site for more of this story).
You see, his last name will die out with him because he did not have sons, and all of my male cousins who have his surname had daughters. My husband thinks that Daddy Darling has finally gone totally nuts and is trying to make our kids agree to carry on his name before he dies. It’s his one feeble shot at immortality. He has no other hope for eternity, because of his lifelong refusal to accept Jesus as his Lord and give up his reprobate ways.
Unfortunately, after he spent 90 years dragging his family name through the mud, nobody wants to be associated with it. It SHOULD die with him, and it WILL die with him, never to be remembered again. He has made his name a curse, and it is right and just that it will never again be spoken. AND THE LORD SAID TO ME, “I HAVE SEEN THIS PEOPLE, AND THEY ARE A STIFF-NECKED PEOPLE INDEED! LET ME ALONE, SO THAT I MAY DESTROY THEM AND BLOT OUT THEIR NAME FROM UNDER HEAVEN”….Deuteronomy 9”13-14. EVIL MEN ARE NO LONGER REMEMBERED, BUT ARE BROKEN LIKE A TREE…Job 24:20.
In case you’re wondering how this entire wacko episode ended, don’t worry, my sons never called him, and no one responded to him in any way. The January 1st “deadline” he gave Mike and Tony came and went, his attempt to force us all to spend our holidays thinking about him and discussing him backfired, and HE wound up spending HIS holidays waiting for those calls. The only thing that all of his conniving, bribes, and demonic psycho scheming accomplished was to give me evidence for future harassment charges, and frustrate his control-freak ego.
***For more on my ex-father’s bizarre jealousy and attempts to make my sons choose him over me, see the article “
Family Jealousy- The Shameful Secret Behind Abuse & Betrayal” on our website.
***For more on the Surprise Pre-Holiday Contact, see our article “Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Put Up The Christmas Tree” on our site.
A LEOPARD WILL NEVER CHANGE ITS SPOTS
Yes, there is hope, but only for those who are willing to do what it takes to change. In order to have the desire to change, one has to have some humanity left. But the Bible teaches us that when you see this level of evil, you are no longer dealing with a person (Ephesians
-13). You are dealing with a demon. It’s not human. It’s a thing. A very evil thing.
For those who have not turned themselves completely over to Satan, the only way to have a new heart put in them is to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Many of us have witnessed about the Lord many times to our abusers, unfortunately with precious little success. I witnessed to my birth-father about Jesus numerous times and encouraged him to read the Word of God. Not only did it do no good whatsoever, but it gave him the ammunition he thought he could use against me in the future to “shame” me when I was not being what he imagined was a “good Christian”.
Because his eyes were veiled (Isaiah 6: 9-10, Mark , 2 Corinthians -18), my ex-father only saw my Christianity as a weakness and a vulnerability that he could somehow exploit and use to his advantage. But he was greatly mistaken. My Christianity is my strength. The Lord has healed me and given me the courage to stand up to my birth-father’s evil and refuse to play his games.
Truly evil abusers do not want to change. They are children of the devil. They will not turn their backs on their evil and turn to Jesus. The Bible tells us that the Lord will then leave them to suffer the consequences of their reprobate minds (Romans 8:5-8, Romans -32), and he instructs us to leave them as well (2 Corinthians -18).
Only those who are willing to turn to God can ever change. For a reprobate, there is no hope of change, and no hope for eternity. The only certainty in his future is a one-way ticket on the express train to hell. For our own protection and the safety of our loved ones, we need to stay as far away from demonics as we can, and to refuse all contact. We do not need to ever doubt our decision to cut ties with such an abuser. We can make the decision to divorce him secure in the knowledge that he will never change, because a leopard never changes its spots.
A MAN WHO REMAINS STIFF-NECKED AFTER MANY REBUKES WILL SUDDENLY BE DESTROYED, WITHOUT REMEDY….Proverbs 29:1
WHEN SUCH A PERSON HEARS THE WORDS OF THIS OATH, HE INVOKES A BLESSING ON HIMSELF AND THEREFORE THINKS, “I WILL BE SAFE, EVEN THOUGH I PERSIST IN GOING MY OWN WAY.”….THE LORD WILL NEVER BE WILLING TO FORGIVE HIM; HIS WRATH AND ZEAL WILL BURN AGAINST THAT MAN. ALL THE CURSES WRITTEN IN THIS BOOK WILL FALL UPON HIM, AND THE LORD WILL BLOT OUT HIS NAME FROM UNDER HEAVEN….Deuteronomy 29: 19-20.
HE SAID,”GO AND TELL THIS PEOPLE: ‘BE EVER HEARING, BUT NEVER UNDERSTANDING; BE EVER SEEING, BUT NEVER PERCEIVING.’ MAKE THE HEARTS OF THIS PEOPLE CALLOUSED; MAKE THEIR EARS DULL AND CLOSE THEIR EYES. OTHERWISE THEY MIGHT SEE WITH THEIR EYES, HEAR WITH THEIR EARS, UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEARTS, AND TURN AND BE HEALED.”….Isaiah 6:9-10
HE TOLD THEM, “THE SECRET OF THE
BUT THEIR MINDS WERE MADE DULL, FOR TO THIS DAY THE SAME VEIL REMAINS WHEN THE OLD COVENANT IS READ. IT HAS NOT BEEN REMOVED, BECAUSE ONLY IN CHRIST IS IT TAKEN AWAY. EVEN TO THIS DAY WHEN MOSES IS READ, A VEIL COVERS THEIR HEARTS. BUT WHENEVER ANYONE TURNS TO THE LORD, THE VEIL IS TAKEN AWAY. NOW THE LORD IS THE SPIRIT, AND WHERE THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS, THERE IS FREEDOM. AND WE, WHO WITH UNVEILED FACES ALL REFLECT TO LORD’S GLORY, ARE BEING TRANSFORMED INTO HIS LIKENESS WITH EVER-INCREASING GLORY, WHICH COMES FROM THE LORD, WHO IS THE SPIRIT….2 Corinthians 3: 14-18.
DO NOT BE YOKED TOGETHER WITH UNBELIEVERS. FOR WHAT DO RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WICKEDNESS HAVE IN COMMON? OR WHAT FELLOWSHIP CAN LIGHT HAVE WITH DARKNESS? WHAT HARMONY IS THERE BETWEEN CHRIST AND BELIAL? WHAT DOES A BELIEVER HAVE IN COMMON WITH AN UNBELIEVER? WHAT AGREEMENT IS THERE BETWEEN THE
“THEREFORE COME OUT FROM THEM AND BE SEPARATE, SAYS THE LORD. TOUCH NO UNCLEAN THING, AND I WILL RECEIVE YOU.”
“I WILL BE A FATHER TO YOU, AND YOU WILL BE MY SONS AND DAUGHTERS, SAYS THE LORD ALMIGHTY.”…..2 Corinthians 6: 14-18.
***For an in-depth study on reprobates and the reprobate mind, see the article “Satan’s Evil Minion- The Unredeemable Reprobate” on our site.
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The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues.
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Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.