Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc
Friday, May 26, 2017
For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families
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DIVORCING A PARENT

 

DIVORCING A PARENT

by Beverly Engel, M.F.C.C.

 

Fawcett-Columbine, Ballantine Books, RGA Publishing.

 

     Besides its content, this book is interesting in a very unique way.  After the author divorced her mother, she wrote this book.  Her mother bought it and read it, apologized to the author and made an effort to change her destructive behavior, and they have now reconciled.  The author then wrote a follow-up book called The Power of Apology, which we will also review.

 

 

     Beverly Engel is a psychotherapist and recognized expert in the fields of relationships, women’s issues, and abuse.  She is the author of 14 books, and has been on Oprah, Ricki Lake, Sally Jesse Raphael, and other national talk shows.  She found it necessary to divorce her mother, not because of past childhood abuse, but because of the continual abuse she suffered as an adult.  No one should have to endure an abusive, unhealthy relationship that threatens her well-being, even if that relationship is with a parent.

     Divorcing A Parent explains the right and wrong reasons for divorce.  Some of the right reasons are:  to break the cycle of abuse, when it’s either you or them, when your parent is hypercritical, controlling, or manipulative, and when your parent continues to abuse you or continues to deny the truth.

     We are taught how to confront our parent and what to expect, including our parent divorcing us when we stand up for ourselves.  We learn that abusive people don’t mellow with age, they usually just get worse.

     The book teaches you how to prepare for the divorce, how to separate emotionally, and takes you through the process of letting go, mourning the loss of your parent, and completing the grieving process.  We learn how to deal with pressure and criticism from our siblings and other relatives who want us to continue accepting the abuse.

     There are also suggestions to the divorced parent, to mates, friends, and loved ones, and to therapists.

     Divorcing A Parent  is a sympathetic and practical guide for  adult children who need to free themselves from an abusive relationship with a parent.

 
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The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues. 
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships.  We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.