Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc
Monday, December 11, 2017
For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families
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MAY 2005 Newsletter

LUKE 17:3 Ministries

for adult daughters

of controlling or abusive birth-families

A sisterhood for those who seek support in developing self-esteem, setting boundaries and limits, forgiveness, Godly confrontation, recognizing and cutting ties with reprobates, healing, and rejoicing in the peace and love of

 the Lord, our Father

take heed to yourselves.  If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him……..Luke 17:3

VOLUME 3,  ISSUE 2                                                                                                                           MAY 2005

Happy Mother’s Day


 

Luke 17: 3 is the scripture often misquoted, usually by an abuser or his enabler, when he tells you that the Bible says “Forgive and Forget”, or that you must forgive him because you  are a Christian.  However, Jesus is very specific when he tells us to rebuke the sinner, and if he repents, to forgive him.  Have you rebuked your abuser, and has he or she repented?

THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE STILL CONDONED BY SOCIETY.  THE ONLY ABUSE IN WHICH THE VICTIM IS CRITICIZED OR ABANDONED FOR TRYING TO PROTECT HERSELF. CHILD ABUSE THAT DIDN’T END WHEN ADULTHOOD BEGAN…THE CONTINUING ABUSE OF GROWN CHILDREN BY THEIR PARENTS.

If you have ever experienced Adult Child Abuse by a parent, sibling, or other relative, We Welcome You!

Our newsletter is sent to you free-of-charge, as the Lord continually provides. Do you know someone who would like to be on our mailing list? 

If so, please contact:

Rev. Renee Pittelli

Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc.

P.O. Box 684

Chestertown, NY  12817

or E-mail us at:

Luke 173@hotmail.com

VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE AT:

www.luke173ministries.org

Please ask about our Luke 17:3 Ministry in Tennessee, founded by Rev.  Denise Rossignol.

 

MEANINGFUL VS. MEANINGLESS APOLOGIES

Part 2

By Reverend Renee

 

            In our last newsletter, we discussed in detail the characteristics of a meaningless apology.  Now we will compare that to an apology that is sincere and meaningful and truly seeks to mend fences.

            A meaningful apology is primarily concerned with righting the wrong that was done.  Someone who gives a meaningful apology makes it crystal clear that the feelings of the victim are her top priority.  By apologizing, she is not trying to make herself look good, or to benefit herself in any other way.  She is humble, truly remorseful and willing to do whatever is needed to make amends.  She understands and accepts that her apology may not restore the relationship, but she is not doing it to accomplish her own purposes or to fulfill her own needs, wishes, or desires.  She is doing it to help the victim heal emotionally, mentally, and spiritually from the damage and pain she inflicted with her abuse, betrayal, or offensive behavior or

(continued on Page 2…)

Luke 17:3 Ministries joyfully announces that

Sister Renee & Sister Denise have become ordained ministers and will now be known as

Reverend Renee & Reverend Denise.

Glory to God!

GOD’S WORD

            As you have done, it will  be done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head…..Obadiah 15 NIV

            The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, “Here it is” or “There it is,”  because the kingdom of God is within you…..Luke 17:20-21NIV

            For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do…..Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV

            Your brothers, your own family- even they have betrayed you; they have raised a loud cry against you.  Do not trust them, though they speak well of you…..Jeremiah 12: 6 NIV

 

words.  A meaningful apology given by a truly remorseful offender has these elements:

*IS GIVEN PROMPTLY AND WITHOUT WAITING FOR THE VICTIM TO “COOL OFF” OR “GET OVER IT”.  Apologies that come weeks, months or even years later are far less likely to be accepted.

As time passes without an apology, the victim’s hurt and anger grows because she realizes that her betrayer does not care about her or her feelings.  If enough time passes for the victim to recover from and come to an acceptance of the break in the relationship, she will be less motivated to ever reconcile. She may feel that her life has been fine and she has been perfectly happy without the offender all that time, so why re-open old wounds?

*IS GIVEN IN A HUMBLE, SINCERE, HEARTFELT, AND RESPECTFUL MANNER.

*ACCEPTS COMPLETE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE OFFENSIVE WORDS OR BEHAVIOR. THE ABUSER DOES NOT TRY TO MAKE EXCUSES OR BLAME ANYONE ELSE BUT HIMSELF.

*ACKNOWLEDGES THAT WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG, AND THAT THE VICTIM WAS RIGHT TO BE UPSET.

*SHOWS AN UNDERSTANDING OF AND REMORSE FOR THE PAIN HE CAUSED, THE RAMIFICATIONS OF HIS BEHAVIOR, AND HOW IT AFFECTED THE VICTIM’S LIFE.

*DOES NOT TRY TO JUSTIFY, RATIONALIZE, EXPLAIN, OR EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR.

*REASSURES THE VICTIM THAT SHE DID NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED HURTFULLY.

*EXPRESSES THE HIGHEST CONCERN FOR THE VICT­IM’S FEELINGS AND NEEDS, WHILE ASSURING THE VICTIM THAT THE FEELINGS, NEEDS, OR DESIRES OF OTHERS, INCLUDING THE OFFENDER HIMSELF, ARE NOT THE REASON FOR THE APOLOGY, NOR SHOULD SHE CONSIDER THEM WHILE DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO ACCEPT THE APOLOGY.

*IS WILLING TO DISCUSS IN DETAIL THE BETRAYAL OR OFFENSE, WITHOUT BECOMING DEFENSIVE, AS OFTEN AS THE VICTIM FEELS THE NEED TO, AND TO HONESTLY AND COMPLETELY ADDRESS ANY OF HER QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS.

*ALLOWS THE VICTIM TO EXPRESS HER ANGER AND IS WILLING TO LISTEN AND CONTINUE TO BE REMORSEFUL WITHOUT ALSO BECOMING ANGRY OR DEFENSIVE.

*DOES NOT FORCE HIMSELF ON THE VICTIM BY APPROACHING HER IN A WAY SHE IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH (FOR INSTANCE, IF SHE AVOIDS HIM OR HAS INDICATED THAT SHE WANTS NO PERSONAL CONTACT, HE MIGHT TRY A LETTER OR E-MAIL INDICATING HIS DESIRE TO APOLOGIZE AND ASKING IF SHE WOULD CONSIDER MEETING HIM AT A NEUTRAL LOCATION OF HER CHOICE , BUT HE SHOULD NOT RING HER DOORBELL OR ACCOST HER IN A STORE OR IN THE STREET.)

*TELLS THE VICTIM IN WHAT WAYS HE INTENDS TO UNDO THE DAMAGE HE DID AND HOW HE INTENDS TO MAKE RESTITUTION OR MAKE IT UP TO HER. (RETURNING THE MONEY HE STOLE, SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT IF HE HAS LIED ABOUT THE VICTIM TO OTHERS, PAYING FOR THERAPY FOR THE VICTIM, ETC.)

*PROMISES THE VICTIM THAT HE HAS CHANGED AND THAT WHAT HE SAID OR DID WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, AND IS WILLING TO PROVE IT.  UNDERSTANDS THAT HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE BELIEVED WITHOUT EARNING IT BY GOING INTO THERAPY OR ANGER MANAGEMENT, OR BY BEING ON HIS BEST BEHAVIOR FOR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES FOR THE VICTIM TO FEEL COMFORTABLE THAT HE HAS MADE A PERMANENT CHANGE, EVEN IF THAT TAKES MONTHS OR YEARS.

*DOES NOTHING TO PRESSURE THE VICTIM INTO FORGIVING HIM OR ACCEPTING HIS APOLOGY.

*ASSURES THE VICTIM THAT EVEN IF SHE FORGIVES HIM, HE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF SHE DECIDED NOT TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE BY RECONCILING THE RELATIONSHIP.

*OFFERS TO GIVE THE VICTIM AS MUCH TIME AS SHE WANTS TO THINK IT OVER.

ASKS THE VICTIM IF SHE WOULD LIKE HIM TO CONTACT HER AGAIN AFTER A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME HAS PASSED, IF SHE WOULD RATHER CALL HIM, OR IF SHE WOULD PREFER NO FURTHER CONTACT. RESPECTS HER DECISION.

 

Some examples of “meaningful apology” statements are:

            “I am so sorry.  I know I was wrong.”

            “I am truly sorry for hurting you.”

            “I am so sorry.  I cannot believe what an idiot I was.”

            “I am really sorry for lying to you.  I should never have done it.  I’ll never do it again.”

            “I apologize for saying  _______.  I don’t blame you for being angry with me.”

            “I apologize for breaking your confidence.  I don’t blame you for not trusting me anymore.  I promise I’ll never do it again, and I understand that it will take a lot of time before you believe in me again.  I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. ”

            “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove myself to you.”

            “I know I hurt you deeply.  I’m willing to do anything and everything I can to make it up to you.”

            “I am so sorry.  There is no excuse for my behavior.  You have every right to be angry with me.”

            “Please tell me what I can do to help you feel better.  I am willing to do whatever you say.”

            “I understand how much I hurt you.  I don’t deserve your forgiveness.  I promise to work really hard at earning your trust again, and maybe someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”

            “What I did to you was terrible. I don’t expect you to forgive me.  I just want to do whatever I can to make amends.  Please let me make it up to you.”

 

            So, dear Sister, beware when you recognize a meaningless apology.  If you accept it without repentance, you are letting your abuser off the hook too easily, as well as depriving him of the opportunity to repent and turn his life around.  If you reconcile your relationship on the basis of a meaningless apology, you are only setting yourself up for more pain in the future.

            But if an apology is truly meaningful, it deserves to be considered.  The offender deserves an opportunity to prove himself and repent, so that you can eventually forgive him.  Do not feel guilty about taking as much time as you need to feel that you can trust the offender again, and to believe that he has truly and permanently changed his ways.  Over time, his behavior will speak for itself. Although you are required by the Lord to forgive those who repent, you are not required to reconcile; however, reconciliation with a truly contrite and remorseful ex-offender has a great chance of being successful, and restoring the relationship might be the last step you need to take to finally heal your pain.  With much prayer, and possibly some therapy, reconciliation with a relative who has given you a meaningful apology and shown repentance and remorse could open the door to a new and much-improved relationship in the future, and bring you much happiness and peace in your heart.

            If you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands; go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor!  Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids.  Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hands of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler….Proverbs 6:2-5NIV

          The Lord said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites: When a man or a woman wrongs another in any way, and so is unfaithful to the Lord, that person is guilty and must confess the sin he has committed.  He must make full restitution for his wrong, add one fifth to it and give it all to the person he has wronged…..Numbers 5: 5-7NIV

          If a man shall steal an ox, or a sheep, and kill it, or sell it; he shall restore five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep….Exodus 22:1 KJV

          A thief must certainly make restitution, but if he has nothing, he must be sold to pay for his theft….Exodus 22:3NIV

          If a fire breaks out and spreads into thornbushes so that it burns shocks of grain or standing grain or the whole field, the one who started the fire must make restitution…Exodus 22:6NIV

          The Lord said to Moses: “If anyone sins and is unfaithful to the Lord by deceiving his neighbor about something entrusted to him or left in his care or stolen, or if he cheats him, or if he finds lost property and lies about it, or if he swears falsely, or if he commits any such sin that people may do- when he thus sins and becomes guilty, he must return what he has stolen or taken by extortion, or what was entrusted to him, or the lost property he found, or whatever it was he swore falsely about.  He must make restitution in full, add a fifth to the value of it and give it all to the owner on the day he presents his guilt offering.  And as a penalty he must bring to the priest, that is the Lord, his guilt offering….Leviticus 6:1-6NIV

          Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.  Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,  though it costs him all the wealth of his house…Job 6:30-31NIV

          If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored; if you remove wickedness far from your tent…Job 22:23NIV

          He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy…Proverbs 28:13NIV

          If you really change your ways and deal with each other justly….then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your forefathers forever and ever….Jeremiah 7: 5,7NIV

The Wisdom of Proverbs

A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud……2 Peter 2:22 NIV

 

Claiming the victory

        

WHO’S YOUR DADDY?

Part 3

 

                In Parts 1 & 2, we have seen how our Father loves us, protects us, provides for us, disciplines us, watches over us, teaches us, comforts us, is trustworthy, listens to us, is patient with us, counsels us, is truthful and never lies to us, and is always fair.  Now we will complete our study on the heart of God, our loving Abba.

 

                ENCOURAGES US:    Every child needs encouragement from her parent- the one person she looks up to the most.

                But one who prophecies is helping others grow in the Lord, encouraging and comforting them.  A person who speaks in tongues is strengthened personally in the Lord, but one who speaks a word of prophecy strengthens the entire church…..1 Corinthians14:3-4NLT

                For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope….Romans 15:4NIV

                You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more…Psalm 10:17-18NIV

 

                WILL NEVER ABANDON OR BETRAY US:  There is no man or woman that we can trust 100% to stick with us through thick and thin, no matter what.  Unfortunately for many of us, that includes our earthly parents and siblings.  Only our Heavenly Father will never leave us.  If we open our hearts to him, he will be with us from the moment we are born throughout the rest of eternity.  We will never be alone.

                I have been young, and now am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his seed  begging bread…Psalm 37:25KJV

                No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you….Joshua 1:5 NIV

                For the Lord will not abandon His people, nor will He forsake His inheritance. For judgment will again be righteous, and all the upright in heart will follow it.  Who will stand up for me against evildoers?  Who will take his stand for me against those who do wickedness?  If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence.  If I should say, “My foot has slipped,” Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up.  When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.  Can a throne of destruction be allied withYou, one which devises mischief by decree?  They band themselves together against the life of the righteous and condemn the innocent to death.  But the Lord has been my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge.  He has brought back their wickedness upon them and will destroy them in their evil; the Lord our God will destroy them….Psalm 94: 14:23NASB

                Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”…John 14:23NIV

                I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me.  Because I live, you also will live.  On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you….John 14: 18-20NIV

                Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me…Hebrews 13:5-6KJV

                Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you….Deuteronomy 31:6NIV

                HAS COMPASSION ON US:  Many of us have earthly parents who expect far more of us than we are able to give.  Perhaps they want us to solve their problems for them, or demand our time with no consideration for our other responsibilities to our children, husbands, or jobs. For some, even as children, we were expected to accomplish things far beyond our capabilities, and punished if we were unable to.  In my case, I was taught to make coffee in a percolator on a gas stove that had to be lit with a match at the age of three, and was expected to do it without supervision before my parents got up in the morning.  By five, I was cooking entire breakfasts-in bed for them from scratch, and have the scars up and down my arms from burns from the stove and oven to prove it.  Others have been expected to excel at sports or academics, regardless of whether that was far beyond their capabilities at the time or not.  Our relationship with our glorious Father has no such pressures or stresses.  He understands our limitations and has compassion for us.  He will never frustrate us or make us feel like failures.  He never asks us to do more than we are able to.  In fact, he asks very little of us in return for all he does for us.

                For His anger is but for a moment, his favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning….Psalm 30:5NKJV

                Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them.  Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath.  He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return…Psalm 78:38-39NIV

                As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.  As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower in the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.  But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children….Psalm 103: 13-17NIV

                The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy…Psalm 145:8KJV

                Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness…Lamentations 3:22-23NKJV

                I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity….Jonah 4:2NIV

                However, Jesus did not permit him, but said to him, “Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you.”…Mark 5:19NKJV

                GIVES US GOOD GIFTS:  Our Father doesn’t just give us “good” gifts- he gives us fabulous gifts, the likes of which we cannot even imagine.  In this life, he blesses us with peace, wisdom, joy, and grace.  He lavishes upon us many gifts, including the gifts and fruits of his Holy Spirit.

(1 Corinthians 12:4-11, Romans 5:5, 14:17, 15:13, Galatians 5:22-23) And when we go home to glory we will inherit the kingdom of heaven!  Nothing can compare to the things our Father gives us.  Thank you, Lord!

                 No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him- but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit….1 Corinthians 2:9-10NIV

                Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.  The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing…Psalm 34:9-10NIV

                Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart…Psalm 37:4NABS

                Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes…A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found.  But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace…Psalm 37:  7, 10-11NIV

                Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!...Luke 11: 13NIV

                As the Scriptures tell us, “Anyone who believes in him will not be disappointed.”  Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect.  They all have the same Lord, who generously gives his riches to all who ask for them…Romans 10:11-12NLT

                In my Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also…John 14:  2-3KJV

                Then the King will say to those on his right, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world…Matthew 25:34NIV

                Give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap…Luke 6:38NIV

                Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.  Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty,” and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it…Malachi 3:10NIV

 

                ALWAYS ANSWERS US WHEN WE CRY OUT TO HIM OR ASK HIM :  Our Father never ignores us.  Whenever we come to him in prayer, faithfully believing that he will answer us, he is faithful to give us our answer and our heart’s desires.  Our Father desires to have fellowship with us, to have us ask him for what we desire, and to converse him through prayer.  No matter what trial or problem we are facing, we need to turn it over to God, and then step back and let him take care of it, in his own time, and according to his perfect will.  If we trust our Father, we will never be disappointed in the outcome.

                But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul.  When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the Lord thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice;(for the Lord thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them….Deuteronomy 4:29-31KJV

                The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.  The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.  Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.  The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him…Psalm 34:15-22NIV

                I prayed to the Lord and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears.  Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.  I cried out to the Lord in my suffering and he heard me.  He set me free from all my fears.  For the angel of the Lord guards all who fear him, and he rescues them…. Psalm 34:  4-7NLT

                I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.  Ask and you will receive, and your joy will  be complete…John 16:23-24NIV

                So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened…Luke 11:9-10NIV

                FORGIVES US:  Some of us have earthly parents who never let us forget anything we might have done, real or imagined, that they consider wrong, even if we were children when we committed the supposed offense.  They use our failings and shortcomings against us, to keep us beholden to them for the rest of our lives. Our Heavenly Father never holds a grudge or tries to make us feel guilty for some long ago offense for which we have already apologized.  He understands that we are not perfect.  When we come to him and repent, we are assured of his loving forgiveness.  From the moment of our repentance, he completely relieves us of any burden of guilt and  tells us that he will not even remember our sin anymore.  Thank You, Father!

                For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more…Jeremiah 31:34KJV

                Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance?  You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea….Micah 7:18-19NIV

                I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins….Isaiah 43:25NKJV

                Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon, for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts….Isaiah 55: 7-9KJV

                He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities…Psalm 103:9-10NIV

                Of Him all the prophets bear witness that through His name everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins…Acts 10:43NASB

                For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more…Hebrews 8:12NIV

 

                 IS ALWAYS CARING FOR US: It’s hard to believe that, with all Father God must have on his mind, he never forgets us, not even for a minute.  He is always watching over us, thinking about us, deciding what is best for us, and blessing us.  Little children need to be in the care of their parent 24 hours a day.  We have our Abba Father’s blessed assurance that we are always in his care.

                Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name!  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits; Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s…Psalm 103:1-5NKJV

                The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms…Deuteronomy 33:27KJV

                The curse of the Lord is on the house of the wicked, but his blessing is on the home of the upright….Proverbs 3:33NLT               

                When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter,” Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?” Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”  Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”  The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”  Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”  He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”…John 21: 15-17NIV

                Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe.  The miracles I do in my Father’s name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep.  My sheep listen to my voice; I know them , and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.  I and the Father are one….John 10:25-30NIV

 

                Sister, what more could we ask for in a parent?  Our Father is an awesome God.  No one will ever care for us and love us like he does.  Most amazing is that we are all unworthy sinners, who have offended and disappointed him again and again, and yet he calls us his children and lavishes his love upon us.  What earthly parent could be like our Lord? ­When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; what is man, that thou art mindful of him? And the son of man, that thou visiteth him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour….Psalms 8:3-5 KJV.

                The definition of grace is undeserved or unmerited favor.  By his grace are we his beloved children.  How can we ever hope to repay him- to express our profound gratitude for his incredible mercy? Can a man be of benefit to God?  Can even a wise man benefit him? What pleasure would it give the Almighty if you were righteous?  What would he gain if your ways were blameless?....Job 22:2-3 NIV

                Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him and we will come to him and make our home with him.  He who does not love me will not obey my teaching.  These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me”…John  14:23-24NIV

                Jesus said unto him, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”…Matthew 22:37-38KJV

                He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God….Micah 6:8 NIV

 

                Thank you, Abba Father, for your love, and for welcoming us as your daughters.  We worship you, Lord, and give thanks for all your blessings.  Praise be to your glorious name. Help us to serve you and to be pleasing to you in whatever humble way we can.  You are awesome and wonderful!  We love you, Father God, with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. Glory to our God! Amen.

             

Reading Spotlight

 

THE MOM FACTOR

Dr. Henry Cloud and

Dr. John Townsend

Zondervan Publishing

 

                Drs. Cloud and Townsend are Christian psychologists who are very well known in the Christian community.  They are popular speakers and co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program.  They are best-selling authors of a number of books, including the very popular “Boundaries” series.

                The authors explain how the mother you had (and have!) influences the adult you are today.  They help you to transform the effects of the past and re-build your adulthood, which may or may not include your mother.  Feelings of resentment, sadness, anger and grief are not resolved by denying them, they must be processed and worked through.  We must watch out for our tendencies to resist adulthood, freedom, and equality and to return to the child position with our mother figures.

                Different types of mothers and their emotional problems and effects on us are discussed in detail, as well as how to deal with them.  These include the China Doll Mom, the Controlling Mom, the Trophy Mom , the American Express Mom, and the Still-The-Boss Mom.

                Inappropriate reactions of other relatives are included.  For instance, in the China Doll Mom chapter, we are taught that any attempt to communicate directly with Mom about your relationship is fraught with danger because she will often be in tears, upset, or out of the room before you have completed your

first sentence.  “The adult child feels guilty for ‘hurting mom,’ especially if other siblings fuse with mom’s self-victimization.  The rest of the clan is often unable to understand the control and manipulation behind mom’s demeanor.  The siblings will then unite against the “black sheep” who is so mean to mother.  In this way, they are able to displace their own frustration with mom onto a safe target: the child who tries to reconcile honestly.”

                There are a number of Scriptural references to teach us how to respond, for instance, challenging or rebelling against improper authority, taking stewardship over our own lives, and understanding that we do have choices which, although they may disappoint or anger others, are the best options for our own welfare.   Although we often inwardly disagree with our mothers’ behavior, “It is important to outwardly disagree, confront, refuse evil, and stand against wrongdoing.  You can learn to change your silent no to an audible one.”

                There are many suggestions for improving our adult relationship with our mothers, setting boundaries, learning to say “No”, and protecting ourselves.  We will understand that these actions are Biblically based and NOT un-Christian-like.  The child needs to discover God’s path for herself, not her parent’s preordained plan for her life.  Some mothers overestimate their role of authority- God created an authority structure from HIMSELF on down.  A grown child no longer submits to her mother’s authority.  GOD WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE CHILD’S ONLY PARENT.

                If Mom is not interested in seeing you as an equal, you will be taught to set limits, including limits on how much exposure to Mom you will endure, what subjects you will or will not discuss, etc.  The Mom Factor gives us permission to accept and be at peace with our mother’s anger at our growing independence. She will be frustrated because she can no longer control you, and you will learn to “Let her be who she is: someone who wants something she cannot have.”

 

Sisters, do not let anyone steal your joy! If you have children, plan a wonderful Mother’s Day with them.  If you don’t, pamper yourself and make sure you do something to enjoy the day. Do not give the devil the victory of your sorrow or anxiety.  Be joyful in the Lord and praise him!  God bless you  always! 

 

Psalm 146

 

Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord, O my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

  Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.  When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing.  Blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-the Lord, who remains faithful forever.  He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry.  The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous.  The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

  The Lord reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations.

 Praise the Lord.

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The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues. 
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships.  We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.