Luke 17:3 Ministries Inc
Sunday, May 28, 2017
For Adult Daughters of Controlling or Abusive Birth-Families
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THE POWER OF APOLOGY

 

THE POWER OF APOLOGY

By Beverly Engel

                                                          John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 605 3rd Avenue, NY, NY 10158-0012  (212)850-6011

 

     Beverly Engel is a psychotherapist and recognized expert in the fields of relationships, women’s issues, and abuse.  In her previous book, "Divorcing A Parent" (see review in our Reading Spotlight section), she describes her own painful decision to divorce her mother because of continual abuse.  After she wrote that book, her mother bought it and read it.  Her mother then apologized to the author and changed her behavior, and they have since reconciled.  This book,  The Power of Apology, was then written, to encourage others to heal themselves and those they have hurt by apologizing, and to encourage the victim to try to accept the apology.

     The author explores some reasons why people won’t apologize, such as pride, fear of giving up power, thinking an apology is a sign of weakness, etc. She teaches you how to ask for an apology.  

     She discusses the right way and wrong ways to apologize, meaningless or fake apologies, apologies without remorse, apologies  delivered through clenched teeth and bumbled apologies like the conditional apology ("I’m sorry, but…") , the half-apology ("I’m sorry you feel bad), and the apology in which the wrongdoer trivializes the damage he caused.

 

    We are told the necessary ingredients in a meaningful apology are regret, responsibility, and remedy, and that the offender should make no excuses.

 

     We are helped to accept apologies with forgiveness and some obstacles to forgiveness are discussed, such as anger, pain, fear of being hurt again, and pride.

 

     The author distinguishes between spiritual forgiveness and human forgiveness, and makes the point that reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same.   She includes "When Sorry Isn’t Good Enough", "When Expecting Forgiveness Can Be an Insult"," and "When Forgiveness Is Unhealthy." 

 

     The book talks about making amends, and healing your family when there has been an estrangement.  The Power of Apology teaches healing steps to transform all your relationships, and hopefully bring your family back together. 

 

 

 
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The Lord specifically called Sister Renee to minister to Adult Children, not their parents, estranged siblings or friends, abusive or abused spouses, or victims of other types of abuse, although what we write here can often be meaningful for those folks as well. Because of this, our ministry and website have a narrow focus which we will not be changing. We simply can't cover everything. In addition, it is not our purpose to help you re-establish contact with someone who felt it was necessary to cut you off for the sake of their own well-being. We do not keep a list of resources for estranged parents or any other type of abuse and suggest if you are sincerely interested in making amends with an estranged relative, you do an internet search for a website or group that will be more relevant to you. If you cannot find a group or site that you can relate to, we suggest you start your own, and bless other people in your position as well as find support for your personal issues. 
For Adult Children and others as well, please understand that we cannot give you personal advice concerning your particular family relationships.  We are not therapists or lawyers, we usually do not have enough information to form an opinion, and time does not permit us to give enough thought to each person's individual situation to do it justice. If you need personal advice, we urge you to contact the appropriate professional, depending on the problem you have- your minister, therapist, attorney, police department, local domestic violence hotline, etc. In reading this site, you acknowledge that nothing you might read here qualifies as or substitutes for professional advice. Please note we cannot recommend or refer you to a counselor and we do not have a list of therapists or recovery groups in your area. The only Counselor we recommend is the Holy Ghost, and we encourage you to read the Bible and learn for yourself what the Lord says about the issues we write about.
Our articles are strictly our personal opinions and testimonies and are not intended to give or offer any advice. All who access this site do so with the understanding that we are NOT professional counselors and we strongly recommend that you discuss your individual situation with your pastor or therapist and pray for the Lord's guidance before acting on anything we write on this site. Unfortunately, the abuse we discuss is all too common, inflicted on countless victims by countless perpetrators. All names and identifying details in our articles have been changed to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. Any resemblance to a real person or persons whom you might know is strictly coincidental.