MAY 2010 Newsletter

Luke 17: 3 is the scripture often misquoted, usually by an abuser or his enabler, when he tells you that the Bible says “Forgive and Forget”, or that you must forgive him because you are a Christian. However, Jesus is very specific when he tells us to rebuke the sinner, and if he repents, to forgive him. Have you rebuked your abuser, and has he or she repented?

THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE STILL CONDONED BY SOCIETY. THE ONLY ABUSE IN WHICH THE VICTIM IS CRITICIZED OR ABANDONED FOR TRYING TO PROTECT HERSELF. CHILD ABUSE THAT DIDN’T END WHEN ADULTHOOD BEGAN…THE CONTINUING ABUSE OF GROWN CHILDREN BY THEIR PARENTS.

If you have ever experienced Adult Child Abuse by a parent, sibling, or other relative, We Welcome You!

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Rev. Renee Pittelli

Luke 17:3 Ministries, Inc.

P.O. Box 684

Chestertown, NY 12817

Luke 173@hotmail.com

Please ask about our Luke 17:3 Ministry in Tennessee, founded by Rev. Denise Rossignol.

            As Christians, some of us feel hopelessly trapped in abusive relationships. We think the Lord wants us to be endlessly patient and tolerant of the sins of others against us.    We believe that it is sinful to protect ourselves, and we believe that it is sinful to leave a family relationship. We think that once we are born into a family, through no fault of our own, we are stuck with them, no matter what they do to us. Some of us feel that once we start ANY relationship, family or otherwise, with someone who then turns out to be not the person we thought they were, it would be “un-Christian” for us to leave. For some reason, we are under the misconception that we would not be good Christians if we did not stick it out and

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The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; Because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; He hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified….Isaiah 61:1-3 KJV

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God…..2 Corininthians 1:3-4.

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continue tolerating just about anything the other person says or does.

            Non-Christians, and some fellow Christians as well, fuel this belief by telling us we must always be forgiving, even though the Bible never tells us to forgive unrepentant people. Abusers and their enablers pull out all the stops in trying to make us feel guilty for removing ourselves from their destructive sphere of influence.   People who have never experienced abuse just don’t understand how a family relationship could be so toxic that we might have no choice but to leave.   Even those who have been abused themselves may criticize us for saying, “Enough!” But that is their problem, usually driven by feeling threatened or envious of our growth and increasing strength and independence.    Sometimes the old saying “misery loves company” is true. 

            Even if we have forgiven our abuser, the Bible does not instruct us to continue on in an abusive relationship. We may want to give it a try if our abuser has truly repented and changed his ways, but many will be surprised to learn that even the most Godly and righteous Christians don’t have to keep going back for more. Apparently this rocks some people’s worlds to the point where they resist accepting it. But no one has the right to expect us to live our lives being abused, or to judge us for leaving. 

            My birth-father’s enabler (my mother) loved repeating the old saying “Patience is a virtue” as if it was an exact Biblical quote, the implication being that we should all be endlessly patient while her husband got away with saying and doing anything he wanted to. While patience is listed as a “gift of the Holy Spirit” in the Bible, and considered a trait of a righteous person, when taken out of context as my mother used to do, it has a completely different meaning from the way it is presented in Scripture. 

            When “patience” is spoken of in the Bible, it most often refers to not losing our faith in God when we are going through hard times, being patient in waiting for the Lord to rescue us from our trials, and persevering in our faith until we reach our reward in heaven.   It does NOT refer to being patient in waiting for evil people to change their ways. This is a total misrepresentation of the Word of God. Biblical “patience” NEVER refers to being patient with wickedness, hurtfulness, abuse, or offensive behavior. The Bible does not tell us to continue in relationships with people who have damaged us, or are still damaging us. In fact, the Scriptures are full of teachings instructing us to leave relationships with wicked or evil people, to be separate from them, to shun, outcast, and purge them from our midst.       

            The number one mission of our ministry is to lead God’s children to Him. We want to teach you about your Father’s unfailing love for you and encourage you to lean on him for all your needs: FOR YOUR FATHER KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOU ASK HIM….Matthew 6:8. Even if the unthinkable happened, and your entire birth-family abandoned or betrayed you, you must know that you are never alone: THOUGH MY FATHER AND MOTHER FORSAKE ME, THE LORD WILL RECEIVE ME…Psalm 27:10. Our Abba Father will never leave nor forsake you(Joshua 1:5, Psalm 37:25, Hebrews 13:5). The Lord sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6) and his grace is always sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9). God closes one door and opens another: NAKED CAME I OUT OF MY MOTHER’S WOMB, AND NAKED SHALL I RETURN THITHER. THE LORD GAVE, AND THE LORD HATH TAKEN AWAY; BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD….Job 1: 21. He will replace every relationship that has caused you sorrow and pain with a healthy, loving relationship- often in the most unexpected ways and from the most unexpected places:

            AT MY FIRST DEFENSE, NO ONE CAME TO MY SUPPORT, BUT EVERYONE DESERTED ME. MAY IT NOT BE HELD AGAINST THEM. BUT THE LORD STOOD AT MY SIDE AND GAVE ME STRENGTH, SO THAT THROUGH ME THE MESSAGE MIGHT BE FULLY PROCLAIMED AND ALL THE GENTILES MIGHT HEAR IT. AND I WAS DELIVERED FROM THE LION”S MOUTH. THE LORD WILL RESCUE ME FROM EVERY EVIL ATTACK AND WILL BRING ME SAFELY TO HIS HEAVENLY KINGDOM. TO HIM BE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER. AMEN….2 Timothy 3: 16-18NIV. Glory to God! Thank you, Father!

            The next most important purpose of our ministry is to give victims of abuse permission to protect themselves. The Lord does not want us to remain in bondage to evil people, he wants us to be free of them. And he will free us if we let him: THEY HAVE GREATLY OPPRESSED ME FROM MY YOUTH, BUT THEY HAVE NOT GAINED THE VICTORY OVER ME. PLOWMEN HAVE PLOWED MY BACK AND MADE THEIR FURROWS LONG, BUT THE LORD IS RIGHTEOUS; HE HAS CUT ME FREE FROM THE CORDS OF THE WICKED….Psalm 129:2-4. Because of the wrongful teachings of men and indoctrination since childhood, many may find it hard to believe, but we can protect ourselves while still adhering to Biblical teachings.   Sometimes the only way to do that is to walk away. The Bible is full of Scriptures instructing us, and in some cases, ORDERING us, to do just that, but they don’t seem to be very well known.   So before we continue our discussion on knowing when it’s time to get out, I will give you just some of these Scriptures for your prayerful consideration:

        MEN OF PERVERSE HEART SHALL BE FAR FROM ME; I WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EVIL. WHOEVER SLANDERS HIS NEIGHBOR IN SECRET, HIM WILL I PUT TO SILENCE; WHOEVER HAS HAUGHTY EYES AND A PROUD HEART, HIM WILL I NOT ENDURE…..NO ONE WHO PRACTICES DECEIT WILL DWELL IN MY HOUSE; NO ONE WHO SPEAKS FALSELY WILL STAND IN MY PRESENCE. EVERY MORNING I WILL PUT TO SILENCE ALL THE WICKED IN THE LAND; I WILL CUT OFF EVERY EVILDOER FROM THE CITY OF THE LORD….Psalms 101:4-5,7-8

        DO NOT BE YOKED TOGETHER WITH UNBELIEVERS. FOR WHAT DO RIGHTEOUSNESS AND WICKEDNESS HAVE IN COMMON? OR WHAT FELLOWSHIP CAN LIGHT HAVE WITH DARKNESS? WHAT HARMONY IS THERE BETWEEN CHRIST AND BELIAL?….”THEREFORE COME OUT FROM THEM AND BE SEPARATE,”SAYS THE LORD. “TOUCH NO UNCLEAN THING, AND I WILL RECEIVE YOU. I WILL BE A FATHER TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE MY SONS AND DAUGHTERS,” SAYS THE LORD ALMIGHTY….2 Corinthians 6:14-15, 17-18

        PEOPLE WILL BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES, LOVERS OF MONEY, BOASTFUL, PROUD, ABUSIVE, DISOBEDIENT TO THEIR PARENTS, UNGRATEFUL, UNHOLY, WITHOUT LOVE, UNFORGIVING, SLANDEROUS, WITHOUT SELF-CONTROL, BRUTAL, NOT LOVERS OF THE GOOD, TREACHEROUS, RASH, CONCEITED, LOVERS OF PLEASURE RATHER THAN LOVERS OF GOD- HAVING A FORM OF GODLINESS BUT DENYING ITS POWER. HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM…..2 Timothy 3:2-5

        WARN A DIVISIVE PERSON ONCE, AND THEN WARN HIM A SECOND TIME. AFTER THAT, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. YOU MAY BE SURE THAT SUCH A MAN IS WARPED AND SINFUL; HE IS SELF-CONDEMNED…Titus 3:10-11

            DO NOT BE MISLED: “BAD COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD CHARACTER.”…1 Corinthians 15:33

        HE WHO WALKS WITH THE WISE GROWS WISE, BUT A COMPANION OF FOOLS SUFFERS HARM…Proverbs 13:20

        DRIVE OUT THE MOCKER, AND OUT GOES STRIFE; QUARRELS AND INSULTS ARE ENDED…Proverbs 22:10

        DO NOT MAKE FRIENDS WITH A HOT-TEMPERED MAN, DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ONE EASILY ANGERED, OR YOU MAY LEARN HIS WAYS AND GET YOURSELF ENSNARED….Proverbs 22:24-25

        DO NOT SPEAK TO A FOOL, FOR HE WILL SCORN THE WISDOM OF YOUR WORDS…Proverbs 23:9

        BETTER A DRY CRUST WITH PEACE AND QUIET THAN A HOUSE FULL OF FEASTING, WITH STRIFE….Proverbs 17:1

        HE WHO BRINGS TROUBLE ON HIS FAMILY WILL INHERIT ONLY WIND…Proverbs 11:29

        THE MEMORY OF THE RIGHTEOUS WILL BE A BLESSING, BUT THE NAME OF THE WICKED WILL ROT…Proverbs 10:7

        A HOT-TEMPERED MAN MUST PAY THE PENALTY; IF YOU RESCUE HIM, YOU WILL HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN….Proverbs 19:19

        ACQUITTING THE GUILTY AND CONDEMNING THE INNOCENT- THE LORD DETESTS THEM BOTH…..Proverbs 17:15

        GOD WILL JUDGE THOSE OUTSIDE. “EXPEL THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOU”…1 Corinthians 5:13

        THE HANDS OF THE WITNESSES MUST BE FIRST IN PUTTING HIM TO DEATH, AND THEN THE HANDS OF ALL THE PEOPLE. YOU MUST PURGE THE EVIL FROM AMONG YOU…Deuteronomy 17:7

        AND YOU ARE PROUD! SHOULDN’T YOU RATHER HAVE BEEN FILLED WITH GRIEF AND HAVE PUT OUT OF YOUR FELLOWSHIP THE MAN WHO DID THIS?….WHEN YOU ARE ASSEMBLED IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS AND I AM WITH YOU IN SPIRIT, AND THE POWER OF OUR LORD JESUS IS PRESENT, HAND THIS MAN OVER TO SATAN, SO THAT THE SINFUL NATURE MAY BE DESTROYED AND HIS SPIRIT SAVED ON THE DAY OF THE LORD….1 Corinthians 5: 2, 4-5

        BUT I AM NOW WRITING YOU THAT YOU MUST NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF A BROTHER BUT IS SEXUALLY IMMORAL OR GREEDY, AN IDOLATER OR A SLANDERER, A DRUNKARD OR A SWINDLER. WITH SUCH A MAN DO NOT EVEN EAT….1 Corinthians 5: 11

        Again, these are just some of the many Scriptures instructing us to stay away from evildoers, to shun them, and to purge them from our midst. I pray that you will find others as you read the Word of God.

            Walking away from a relationship is never easy. It will probably be the most difficult decision any of us will ever have to make. It is a tremendous heartache and extremely painful. Often, we still love our abusers even after many years of mistreatment.   We know that we will miss them and that it will hurt to let them go (see the article Getting Over A Lost Relationship in the Claiming the Victory section on our website). It is so difficult to admit that we can love someone but not be able to have them in our lives. Many of us struggle and suffer for years, or even for our entire lives, desperately trying every possible alternative to make leaving unnecessary. Some of us wait until our mental and physical health is failing from the stress, or our own children are being adversely affected by our wicked relative, and it literally becomes a matter of survival. Eventually we will have no choice, it will be either them or us.

            Some of us get to the point where we finally find ourselves running screaming for the hills instead of closing the door calmly and moving on with dignity. And then we find ourselves facing disapproval from the odd assorted relatives and acquaintances who never said a word in our defense all the years we were being abused, but come out of the woodwork when we finally take a stand to protect ourselves- just to criticize us for not continuing to tolerate even more abuse! In my own case, I had been driven to the point with my birth-father that it didn’t matter who else judged me, or who else I lost, as a result of ending my relationship with him. As long as he was finally out of my life, the other “casualties of war” were more than worth it. After 47 years of bondage, freedom never tasted so sweet!

            Deciding when a relationship is never going to be healthy for you and understanding when you are never going to be treated with love or respect is the key to getting out before things become so extreme.   Counseling is very helpful, and so is the support of good friends and loved ones. We need others to bounce our feelings and thoughts off of. We need people who truly care about us and want what’s best for us to give us their feedback and advice. We need objective third parties to point out to us that which is so often obvious to outsiders, but which we ourselves cannot see because we are too close to the situation, or because we still have feelings for our abuser. We need to have a loving support system in place so we know we will not be alone when we end our destructive relationship. 

            Many of us suffer under the completely erroneous idea that if we just treat our abuser with love and keep being nice to him, someday he will start loving us and being nice to us in return.   But the truth is that abusers and bullies do not respond to love and kindness like normal people do. Many Scriptures address this fact, especially in Proverbs. Just one of these, Proverbs 17:13, says, “IF A MAN PAYS BACK EVIL FOR GOOD, EVIL WILL NEVER LEAVE HIS HOUSE.” Even an animal will eventually show love for you if you treat it with love, but not an abuser. Abusers use our feelings for them against us, take advantage of our kindness, and see our patience with their offensiveness as a weakness to be exploited. Our love for them makes us vulnerable in their eyes. They are like predators, looking for the weak spot. They know just how to manipulate our love to feed their own hunger for power and control.   No matter how much love we are willing to give to an abuser, he will never feel love for us in return. Abusers don’t love anyone but themselves. 

             It hurts to accept the fact that someone we love does not love us, and will never love us, but only wants to use, exploit, dominate, or control us. Coming to that understanding and grieving the loss of the relationship we always wanted and tried so hard to have, but could never have, because the other person did not want what we wanted and made it impossible, is essential for our mental health and emotional growth. Sometimes, we need to accept reality- that no matter what we are willing to do, it just isn’t going to work out- because the other person isn’t willing. This is the most difficult part of deciding to leave a toxic relationship, but it is also the first step to living a healthy life. If we trust in Our Father, he will heal our hearts (Psalm 34:18, 147:3), and replace our sorrow with his peace and joy (Galatians 5:22), just as he did for Joseph, who was betrayed, abandoned and sold into slavery by his jealous brothers: JOSEPH NAMED HIS FIRSTBORN MANASSEH AND SAID, “IT IS BECAUSE GOD HAS MADE ME FORGET ALL MY TROUBLE AND ALL MY FATHER’S HOUSEHOLD…Genesis 41:51. 

            How do we know when a relationship is hopeless? How do we know when things will never change? How can we tell when the time has come to Get Out of Dodge?   In deciding if it’s time to give up and move on, each of us needs to prayerfully ask ourselves some difficult questions, be brutally honest with ourselves, and think carefully about the truth, which will be revealed in the answers.   The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of all Truth (John 16:13). He will reveal the truth to us and give us the gifts of knowledge, discernment, understanding and wisdom (1 Corinthians 12: 8-10), if we ask him. He will comfort us as we come to terms with the truth, and counsel us about what to do next, because he is our Comforter and Counselor (John 14:26, 16:7-8).   In Part 2, we will ask ourselves some questions which will help us decide whether to stay or throw in the towel. 

NO CONTACT 101

            Ever hear the old saying “If you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile?” Or, “Give them a finger and they’ll take an arm?” When you’re dealing with abusers, narcissists, and sociopaths, who refuse to acknowledge the boundaries of others, that’s exactly what happens every time.

            Abusers who have lost their grip on you will try a variety of tricks to get you talking to them again. Some will be obvious, and some will be subtle. Their wiles and maneuvers might seem harmless, small, or even amusing, but keep in mind that these are not meant to accomplish anything big or fast right away. If your abuser can just getting her foot in the door, then she will have achieved her goal for now. And then a few days or weeks will pass, and she’ll come up with yet another ploy. If you talk to her one time, then how are you going to go back to NOT talking to her? Suckering you into breaking No Contact once will lead to another time later on, and then another. Convincing you to break No Contact even briefly will lead to longer and more involved contact down the road.

            Narcissists and sociopaths are predators by nature. If they think you seem unsure, or that your determination is faltering, they will be back to viewing you as prey. Backing down and allowing them back into your life without the apologies and changes you asked for will make your abusers believe that you are weak and easily manipulated. They will also take this to mean that they can, and have, outsmarted you. Why should they take you seriously, respect your boundaries, and comply with your conditions when you’re not going to enforce them? Estranged relatives will gnaw away at your resolve little by little, in baby steps, until one day you wake up and find yourself right back where you started- being abused and controlled by people you thought you had gotten free from.

            So when the disowning happens, the big family break-up explodes, we realize the level of evil we’re dealing with, and we’re finally DONE, once and for all, how do we protect ourselves and maintain that safe distance? How do we get them out of our lives and keep them out, so we can begin our recovery in peace? What exactly does No Contact entail?

            NO Talking To Them No Matter What Happens And No Matter What You Hear.

            NO Letting Them Talk To You, NO Listening To Anything They Say, NO “Hearing Them Out.”

            NO Letting Them In Your House and NO Going To Their House.  If It Is Possible To Move, Then Move, Get A P.O. Box, And Don’t Let Them Know When Or Where You’re Going. This Will Buy You A Couple Of Years, Until They Find You Online. The Best Move Is More Than A Day’s Drive Away. In Fact, The Further, The Better.

            NO Phone Calls and NO Returning Voicemail Messages.  Change Your Number To Unlisted and Unpublished, And Do Not Give It To Anyone You Can’t Trust Not To Give It To Your Abusers.  NEVER Pick Up The Phone.  Screen Your Calls. Use Caller ID Or Let Your Machine Pick Up.

            NO Sending Or Responding To E-Mails. Block Their E-Mails, IMs, And Ability To See When You Are Online. Block Them From Viewing Your Page On Any Social Networking Sites You Are On.

            NO Meetings to “Talk Things Over” or “Work Things Out.”

            NO Communication At All, Except Through Attorneys.

            NO Cards or Letters and NO Responding to Cards or Letters. NO Birthday Cards. NO Christmas Cards. NO Mother’s Day or Father’s Day Cards.

            NO Gifts and NO Accepting Gifts. If A Gift Is Sent To You, NO Acknowledging It And NO Responding. DO NOT RETURN IT. To A Narcissist, That Is A Response. Just Ignore It.

            NO Exceptions For Holidays, Birthdays, or Anniversaries.

            NO Visits, Including Hospital Visits.

            NO Letting Them Near Your Kids.  If They’re Too Toxic For You To Be Around, Then They’re Too Toxic For Your Children To Be Around.  Warn Your Children To Stay Away From Them.  Check Your Children’s Cell Phones, Voice Mails, and E-mails. Block and Change Numbers or E-mail Addresses If They Contact Your Children. Notify Your Children’s School To Call The Police If They Show Up.

            NO Public Pleasantries.  If You Run Into Them In a Public Place, Ignore Them, Turn Your Back, And Walk Away.  If They Approach You, Say In A Loud Voice, “Leave Me Alone!” And “Do Not Talk To Me.”  If They Persist Or You Believe You Are Being Stalked, Call The Police.

            NO Discussing Them With Anybody Who Has Contact With Them.

            NO Speaking At All To Anyone Who Might Be Pumping You For Information Or Spying On You, And Then Reporting Back To Them.  Cut Off Anyone Who Is Not Loyal To You.

            NO Listening to Any News About Them. If You Are Absolutely DYING Of Curiosity, Listen But Do Not Show Undue Interest, Do Not Respond, And Do Not Give Any Information In Return.

            NO Giving Other People Information About You Or Your Family That They Could Carry Back To Your Abusers.

            NO Invitations to Your Big Events and NO Responding to Invitations They Send You.

            NO Responding To News That They Are Getting Married, Having A Baby, Getting A New Job, Retiring, Moving, Taking A Trip, Sick, Dying, Or Dead.

            NO Big Announcements or Telling Them Anything About Your Life. NO Letting Them Know You’re Getting Married, Moving, Or Having A Baby.  NO Letting Them Know When Your Children Get Married, Where They Live, Work, or Go To School, Or When Your Grandkids Are Born.

            YES to Printing Out E-Mails and Keeping All Cards, Letters and Other Communications In A File For Future Restraining Orders, Or Harassment Or Stalking Charges. But NO RESPONDING.

            No Contact means NO CONTACT. Nothing, Nada, Zilch, Zip, Zero. As if they were total strangers who also happen to be dangerous, deranged, psychopathic stalkers.  Which they pretty much are.  So why would you not protect yourself and your family from them?   Narcissists do not understand limits, maintaining a comfortable distance, taking it in slow, or being cordial while still keeping someone at arm’s length. They only deal in extremes, and must be totally enmeshed with you, with no boundaries or restrictions. It’s all or nothing with them. Because of this, it is important to accept that it is NOT possible to have “limited” or “occasional” contact– for instance, only when there is a big event like a wedding or a funeral. This only sends a mixed message to your abuser, who will interpret ANY willingness at all on your part to communicate with him as a sign that all is forgiven, you’ve gotten over your little snit, and everything can now go back to normal, without him ever having to apologize or stop abusing you.

            No Contact is THE END.  You have already wasted your entire life trying everything possible to have a nice peaceful relationship, and nothing worked.  That’s why you reached this crossroads.  There is nothing left to try. It’s OVER. It’s time to put a period on it, walk away, and never look back.  Time to finally live your life.  Time to do what you must to protect yourself and your loved ones from evil people who would do you harm.  If you break No Contact, you will only be sucked back in.  If you keep No Contact, you will live your life in peace, freedom, and safety.  And after it’s all over, I leave it up to you whether you go to the funeral or not.  If you have moved on with your life and left the past in the past, you won’t feel the need to.  THEN ANOTHER OF HIS DISCIPLES SAID TO HIM, “LORD, LET ME FIRST GO AND BURY MY FATHER.” BUT JESUS SAID TO HIM, “FOLLOW ME, AND LET THE DEAD BURY THEIR OWN DEAD”….Matthew 8:21-22 NKJV.

THE WISDOM OF PROVERBS

The Righteous One takes note of the house of the wicked and brings the wicked to ruin. If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered. When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers….Proverbs 21:12,13,15.

Hope you have plans to do something you enjoy with people who treat you nice. We are thinking of you with love and praying for the blessings of peace and joy in your heart and in your life.

SAY NO TO ADULT-CHILD ABUSE WEEK

We celebrate S.N.A.C.A. Week every year starting the Sunday after Mother’s Day to honor, encourage, and stand up for all the Adult Children everywhere who spent Mother’s Day hurting, aggravated, and stressed out because of abusive, controlling, or abandoning birth-families.

1. Spend five minutes every day this week lifting all abuse victims to the Lord in prayer, praying for protection for them, for the courage to do what they must to change their circumstances or leave their abusive relationships, and for peace of mind and heart.

2. Tell at least one person the truth about our abusive relative this week. Promise ourselves that for the rest of the year, we will not protect our abusive relative by our silence any longer, we will reveal the abuse to others, and will bring all deeds done in darkness into the light. Tell the truth and the truth shall set us free!

3. This week, we will choose one limit that we are going to set and enforce with our abusive or controlling birth-relative from now on.

4. This week, we will choose one thing we dread doing, but always get pressured into, such as spending a holiday with an abusive relative, and decide not to do it this year. By the end of the week, we will make concrete plans to do something else instead, and carry them out when the time comes.

5. This week, we will think of one thing we want to do, but haven’t yet, because of our family’s disapproval. We will commit to doing it this year, or, if it’s something long-term like finishing our education, commit to starting it this year.

6. This week, we will commit to validating, encouraging, and praying for any abuse victim the Lord causes to cross our paths for the rest of the year.

Join us and let’s take a stand together to stop birth family-abuse, by the grace of God.

                For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements of the land. I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign Lord. I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice. As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. Is it not enough t for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet? Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another….